I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
