Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this just has baby written all over it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
