I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
