look no pants
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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