I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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