So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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