I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
