your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
