that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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