Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
