the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the day after is always just damage control
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
