the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
