I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's just like the Real World with babies
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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