He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
