he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
