I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
