just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
This house was built for laser tag.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
