PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
