You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
