PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
