Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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