just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
