I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
