Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
