I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i now understand why vodka
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
