he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
