i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
