I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
