I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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