yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
