It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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