I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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