so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were trust falling into bushes
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
