Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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