i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
nutella sex= disaster
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
