I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
