Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
