dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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