can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
