she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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