Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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