I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
