no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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