She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Randomize
