I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
