Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
