no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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