Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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