Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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