he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
