My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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