So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
