so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
